


Hurt

by SherlockianGirl14



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mention of previous character deaths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 11:37:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4520457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockianGirl14/pseuds/SherlockianGirl14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You're gonna get hurt. I'm gonna hurt you, I'll just get you killed, like everyone else, and you know it. Everyone's been hurt thanks to me. Get yourself away."</p><p>Sam is terrified of losing Gabriel. So he drives him away.<br/>But Gabriel knows better than Sam thinks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurt

Sam sighed, biting his lip as he approached Gabriel. God, the lie he had to tell him was awful, but he had to lie to him. He had to hurt him to get him to let Sam leave.  
So he bit back his resign and sadness, letting himself seem devoid of emotion. He had to piss Gabriel off as well as hurt him.  
This was one of the worst things he'd ever done.  
The worst, of course, was letting everybody down. Letting them die. John, Ash, Jo, Ellen, Andy, Charlie... The list went on and on. He couldn't even think of them all any more, and that was, now that he realised it, worse than them even dying. Hell, he'd even caused his own mother to die.  
So now, he was saving Gabriel. Because everyone he was close to died. The only person he couldn't shake was Dean. Cas came as a part of that these days.  
But he had control over Gabriel staying, he was sure of it. If he could hurt him enough, he'd leave.  
So why did saving Gabriel's life make him want to throw up?  
He was selfish, he concluded. So damn selfish. He knew he'd get Gabriel killed, and yet he wanted him. For himself. Because in the end, that was why it was hard to let him go, because Sam wanted him with all his might. Even in the face of saving Gabriel, Sam was contemplating putting his own desires first.  
So he was selfish, selfish, selfish. Guilty. Those were the words that had been drumming through his head over the last couple of days, non-stop. At first he'd tried to fight them, tell himself they weren't true- and then he realised that by denying them for the sake of his own feelings, he was being even more selfish.  
So he forced himself to sit Gabriel down, pretending he didn't want to cry, pretending he didn't feel nauseated at the prospect of losing Gabriel.  
"I need to talk to you," he said, and he let his voice become devoid of emotion. Despite himself, his tone cracked a little at the first couple of words. "I- I want to split up."  
"Okay, kiddo," Gabriel sighed. "What's up? You've been moping your sorry ass around this place for days, and now this comes? Don't even try to kid me that you don't care, Sam. Don't you dare. You do not have to do this."  
"I want to. I just don't love you any more, Gabriel. I went out, and I- I met a girl. That was how I realised. Because I kissed her, and I felt no guilt. I hooked up with this chick, and there was nothing. Well, nothing but pity that you were getting put through this without even knowing it."  
"Nope," Gabriel replied simply, not even looking moved. "Try again. You see, Sasquatch, I know you. Even if you didn't love me, you aren't some cheating whore. You have dignity, and you know it. Now tell me what's really going down in that pretty little head of yours."  
"It's true!" Sam insisted. And trust that to be the moment that the guilt that had been building up came to a head, and suddenly he was sobbing like a kid who'd bashed up his knees. At least, a normal kid. Not them. Not since he caused his mothers death and took away his family's hope, took all his mother had worked for, and set them into a grieving wreak. Took away her dream of normality. Took away his brother's chances, his father's happiness. Set himself on a path of destruction that never stopped.  
"Nope," Gabriel repeated, softer this time, and pulled Sam into him, cradling his head and holding it underneath his chin, letting Sam sob into his chest. He comforted him as though you would a sickly infant, holding him close and rubbing his back, swaying him slightly. "Now tell me what the matter is, Sam."  
"You're gonna get hurt. I'm gonna hurt you, I'll just get you killed, like everyone else, and you know it. Everyone's been hurt thanks to me. Get yourself away."  
"No, Sam. Don't you see that it wasn't your fault. It was the demon's fault your mother died, if that's where we're starting. Everyone else, it wasn't your fault. You didn't kill them. You couldn't have stopped it. I'm not one for letting someone go lightly, remember? If you were guilty, I'd have served you up what you deserved. But you're a victim in this, too. Just because you aren't dead," Gabriel sighed. "And I've been dead enough times. More or less, anyway. Didn't suit me. I can look after myself."  
Sam simply nodded, resting against him wordlessly for a minute.  
"Tell me next time, okay? Talk to me, Sasquatch. I need to know what's going on in your noggin, okay? If something's up, you come tell me. We'll talk it out or we'll sort it out. Got it?"  
"Got it," Sam replied weakly, and even if the guilt and self-hatred was still there, he felt a little better.


End file.
